more than one more day

by brianasoler


I have just finished Joan Didions’ nonfiction book, “The year of magical thinking”. She is writing about the grief of when her husband passed away. At the time I picked up the book to purchase, I honestly had no idea what it was about but knew I wanted to dive into Didions’ work as she had been on my radar on who to read next. It is beautifully written and terribly sad, it shakes the reader into an unwanted reality of death; that it is present and true for everyone. An absolute must read for everybody on this planet, especially to those that have ever lost someone dear to them, although we all will eventually. As her husband John would say, “it all evens out in the end”.

This book talks about grief like never before and puts into words what is often difficult to do for those who have lost someone – suddenly or not. It gives you a look into someone, if not all’s life after we lose someone. I think especially your spouse, or significant other. Finishing the book, and even throughout reading it, it painfully brought me to the truth that one day, i hope long and far from now, but one day I will not have Hayden with me, or my mother, father, brother and sister and even Gordy. Thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. This book is solely about her husbands passing and the habits and comfort that passes along with him. Maybe all wont take it the same or think of the same person, of course. Maybe some will think of some other relatives or friends in their life. Maybe I think of Hayden because he is the closest i’ve ever been with another human being and I cherish our relationship deeply. As he is, just as John in Joan’s life was, my partner in life. Who I share all my ideas with, my dreams, my stories, my thoughts. Who I laugh deeply with, and cry fiercely with – letting all my guards down and being completely vulnerable with. Who will go to Goodwill with me, run errands with me, scout locations with me, and entertain all of my however silly or outlandish ideas they are. Who encourages me, reads my writing, edits my writing, and gives me solid advice. Who looks and admires my hard work in photography and believes in me wholeheartedly.

I am in shock of the pain of just thinking about losing him one day, and everyone I hold close to my heart. This book made me see the everlasting beauty in marriage, in family, and in loving the life you create together. It points directly away from everything this society and day and age says about love, life and relationships. I fell in love with Joan Didions’ writings after this book. She writes how I think; open and candid, raw and unapologetic. But she does so with great understanding, and an ease to it. A book to keep in everyone’s home and to reread it often and in times of some leaning one. A great writer she was, an absolute classic.. and now I am off to read the rest of her work.